I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
