Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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