I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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