one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
