ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
