forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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