I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
