apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
