Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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