and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
