i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
