I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
