Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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