Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize