and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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