Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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