I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize