Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
no, he came in my armpit
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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