Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
