So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
