Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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