His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
