Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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