Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize