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Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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