just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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