just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I need to calm my uterus...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
