I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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