Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
