I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
