How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
