Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
