so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
