its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
