I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
