im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This girl is more easily done than said...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
