I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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