I could make wine with my vomit
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize