I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
