i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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