My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
