I got chris browned last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
