Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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