I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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