Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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