i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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