so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
