Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
