how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize