There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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