I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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