just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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