Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
