2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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