i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
