): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
