are you so shy because you have an std?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
