Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
