I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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