Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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