Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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