We're facebook friends in real life
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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