i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
