i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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