In America we eat man semen.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
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