Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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