We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How naked do you want me to be?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
