Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
