a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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