Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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