Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
