You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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