he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
