my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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