I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
