Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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