Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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