That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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