I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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