I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
