I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
