I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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