proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
