Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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