we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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