so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
