Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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