how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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