He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
