Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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