I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
