we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
