Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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